Kerri's Dad

My dad died on October 14th. It was rather unexpected. They were putting dye into his heart to look at the blockages so they could make an appropriate plan for how best to proceed. When they injected the dye, he said "That hurts" and passed out. His heart discontinued beating on its own at that point. A team of 25 doctors and others that worked at the hospital - worked on him for 2 hours. I was on a plane before I knew he had died. I thought perhaps I was going home to help out as he recovered from what would become open heart surgery perhaps. Perhaps I knew? I packed some black clothing. I was home for a week. We had a wake / calling hours on Tuesday ~ nearly 1000 people came through the line. The burial was Wednesday. Then the really long trip home Friday. Totally exhausted, running on combination of shock and emotion, trying to go through the motions of everyday life. I didn't talk to him every day. But just knowing I can't ask his advice, or talk about the kids... its rough. Ugly rough. My mind knows that he is not in pain, that quick is better, ... but my heart is that of a little girl that misses her Daddy ~ and no thoughts can convince it otherwise. My Birthday is in November. I always got a phone call from him on my Birthday. He was up at "the farm" in Maine hunting. Not sure if I will be able to handle even hearing the phone ring on my birthday this year.